Blogging about summer (Part 1 of 3)

I realize that for most people summer is just starting, but for me, my summer is effectively over. Other than the odd long weekend, I'll be working throughout the rest of July and all of August. And I'll be on-call from my job for half of that time. But that's okay; I packed a lot of goodness into June and early July, and I'm content.

Going into my summer vacation, I had four goals: finish two Malazan books; get in shape; and survive a wedding and a reunion. The reunion was canceled, so that was easy. The wedding somehow turned into something enjoyable instead of torturous, so check. But I failed miserably at the other two goals; I'm only halfway through House of Chains and I'm most likely in worse shape now than I was in May. And I don't care. Because it was a great month full of unexpected highlights. (And I can keep chipping away at House of Chains on weekends. And I'll hopefully resume getting in shape right about now.)

The primary reason this summer took a different path than expected was because I didn't spend it alone.

The blog comes full circle... kinda

My first rule for this blog is that I don't talk about other people's personal lives, so when I tell the following story there will be a lot of gaps. I can only focus on how these events relate to me and affect me. My second rule has been a no names policy, which was as awkward to write as it probably was to read. My ex-wife, herein called by her actual name, Christina, got so annoyed by the frequent "ex-wife" references that she made a special request for me to stop that nonsense.

This story starts in August of 2009 when terms of our marital separation were being discussed. I have previously mentioned that I have financial obligations to Christina, but details have been sparse for none of your business reasons. But for this story's purpose, a few extra details are required. The major terms we both accepted (and had lawyered) were as follows: for two years, I would pay monthly equalization payments of a fixed amount (that was selected on the basis of her rent payment in Calgary); and at the end of the second year, I would refinance my mortgage to buy out her share of our home's equity (that will be a big cheque). Under the table, we had an understanding that if she had financial difficulties, I would assist by drawing unofficially from the equity amount that was owed.

It is beyond this blog's scope to discuss the hows and whys Christina ended up having financial difficulties, but it is relevant to note that I have drawn from that equity amount significantly to help her in the past ten months. I am willing to do so, to a reasonable extent, because Christina could easily have insisted that I refinance my mortgage immediately upon signing of our separation agreement. That would have financially destroyed me, but it was within her rights. Fortunately, we weren't jerks and we mutually worked out terms that we could both live with.

In March (or possibly April) of this year, Christina came for a visit, and the topic of discussion eventually turned to the monies. My monthly equalization payment was all going to her rent, and therefore wasn't quite cutting it when it came to keeping up with living expenses in Calgary. I suggested that she look for a different place to rent at the end of her one-year lease, to hopefully save a couple hundred dollars a month or so. This is virtually impossible in Calgary, so naturally other locations were discussed. At some point, I (half-jokingly) offered that she could rent the spare bedroom in my house for a very reasonable sum.

I don't quite remember how she initially reacted to that offer, but I certainly did not expect her to accept. I wouldn't have made the offer if I didn't think it was doable, but I knew it was also fucking crazy. I believed the offer was off the table until a couple of days later when she mentioned that her friend in town had told her that she should take me up on it. I was flabbergasted. I believe all I said at the time was, "Oh?"

And then we started planning. And this is the crazy result (unless something even crazier happens in the next two months, derailing everything): at the end of August, my ex-wife Christina will move back into my house, living out of my (formerly) spare bedroom. She will pay rent, which includes her share of the utilities, and she will cover her own additional living expenses. The separation agreement will still be executed as planned. And we are both free to halt this roommate arrangement at any time.

The first question that always comes up here, understandably, is "Are you guys getting back together?" The answer is no. Christina wanted out of the marriage for reasons that have not gone away.

Although I've never explained the main reasons for our break-up--nor will I, not anytime soon--I will say that it definitely had nothing to do with how we get along as a couple. Throughout all this crazy shit, we have remained good friends. I'm not saying there weren't some tough times; there were definitely times I felt I'd be better off if she was out of my life for good. But in the past four months, the friendship has been renewed in a big way, and we have thoroughly tested the efficacy of this proposed roommate arrangement.

It's become a cliche for us to say, but it holds true: other people are way more weirded out by this arrangement than we are. Ultimately, large stretches of this past year were complete hell for me primarily because I missed the companionship of having a friend always around. I had previously brought up the idea with Christina that all I really needed was a roommate to fend off the crushing loneliness. Who would have guessed that she would end up being that roommate? Not me, that's for fucking sure.

Proof of concept: May

In May, Christina's best friend broke her leg. Christina offered to help her friend out with chores and looking after her baby for a few weeks. This provided an excellent opportunity for us to test out this roommate arrangement for a reasonable length of time. And it obviously worked out fine.

Vacation: June

Christina was still in Regina when my summer vacation started on June 11th, so it made economical sense to travel together back to Alberta for the big wedding festivities. And I'm saving the rest of this story for part two...